Here is the new alphabet. I have no clue who the attribution goes to.

“The New Alphabet A is for Apple, and B is for Boat, That used to be right, But now it won’t float! Age before Beauty is what we once said, But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.
Now A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back, C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac? D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I’d rather not mention. H is high blood pressure–I’d rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow! P for prescription’s, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R for reflux, one meal turns to two. S for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears! U is for urinary; big troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know. W is for worry, NOW what’s going ’round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y is another year I’m left here behind, Z is for zest that I still have– in my mind. I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, And I’ve kept twenty-six ‘doctors’ fully employed!!!.”
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2 Responses to “”

  1. smarty pants Says:

    A reminder from your local OFA (Old Fart Administration).. every day toxins and sludge are forming plaque in your aging, sluggish systems. Your symptoms of the ABC’s of aging will promptly diminish if you simply stop putting toxic materials in the big hole underneath your nose! As for the subject of sex.. close your eyes! Yours may never get bad enough to blur the image of your aging partner or of yourself for that matter doing “it”.
    Be sure to sign up for our new class, “Up Yours!” a complete guide to brand name coffee enemas..

  2. PosiCon!!!! Says:

    Ohhhhhh Myyyyyy!!!!

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